Archives For How to Win Friends and Influence People

When you are right, let’s try to win people gently and tactfully to our way of thinking, and when we are wrong—and that will be surprisingly often, if we are honest with ourselves—let’s admit our mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm. Not only will that technique produce astonishing results; but, believe it or not, it is a lot more fun, under the circumstances, than trying to defend oneself.

Remember the old proverb: “By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”

Principle 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, (1936)

…don’t argue with your customer or your spouse or your adversary. Don’t tell them they are wrong, don’t get them stirred up. Use a little diplomacy.

Principle 2: Show respect for the person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”

~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, (1936)

Opera tenor Jan Peerce, after he was married nearly fifty years, once said: “My wife and I made a pact a long time ago, and we’ve kept it no matter how angry we’ve grown with each other. When one yells, the other should listen—because when two people yell, there is no communication, just noise and bad vibrations.”

Principle 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, (1936)

 “Talk to people about themselves,” said Disraeli, one of the shrewdest men who ever ruled the British Empire. “Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.”

Principle 6: Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.

~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, (1936)

Talking in terms of the other person’s interests pays off for both parties. Howard Z. Herzig, a leader in the field of employee communications, has always followed this principle. When asked what reward he got from it, Mr. Herzig responded that he not only received a different reward from each person but that in general the reward had been an enlargement of his life each time he spoke to someone.

Principle 5: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, (1936)

So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.

Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems. A person’s toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people. A boil on one’s neck interests one more than forty earthquakes in Africa. Think of that the next time you start a conversation.

~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, (1936)

We should be aware of the magic contained in a name and realize that this single item is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing…and nobody else. The name sets the individual apart; it makes him or her unique among all others. The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual. From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as we deal with others.

Principle 3: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, (1936)

The ancient Chinese were a wise lot—wise in the ways of the world; and they had a proverb that you and I ought to cut out and paste inside our hats. It goes like this: “A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.”

You smile is a messenger of your good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it. To someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds. Especially when that someone is under pressure from his bosses, his customers, his teachers or parents or children, a smile can help him realize that all is not hopeless—that there is joy in the world.

Principle 2: Smile.

~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, (1936)

If you want others to like you, if you want to develop real friendships, if you want to help others at the same time as you help yourself, keep this principle in mind:

Become genuinely interested in other people.

~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People