Archives For Dale Carnegie

Hurting people not only does not change them, it is never called for. There is an old saying that I have cut out and pasted on my mirror where I cannot help but see it every day:

            I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.

Emerson said: “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”

If what was true of Emerson, isn’t it likely to be a thousand times more true of you and me? Let’s cease thinking of our accomplishments, our wants. Let’s try to figure out the other person’s good points. Then forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise,” and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime—repeat them years after you have forgotten them.

Give honest and sincere appreciation.

~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People

To avoid resentment and worry over ingratitude, here is Rule 3:

  1. Instead of worrying about ingratitude, let’s expect it? Let’s remember that Jesus healed ten leapers in one day—and only one thanked Him. Why should we expect more gratitude than Jesus got?
  2. Let’s remember that the only way to find happiness is not to expect gratitude, but to give for the joy of giving.
  3. Let’s remember that gratitude is a “cultivated” trait; so if we want our children to be grateful, we must train them to be grateful.

~ Dale Carnegie, How To Stop Worrying And Start Living

Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. “to know all is to forgive all.”

As Dr. Johnson said: “God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days.”

Why should you or I?

Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.

~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People

To cultivate a mental attitude that will bring you to peace and happiness, remember that Rule 2 is:

Let’s never try to get even with our enemies, because if we do we will hurt ourselves far more than we hurt them. Let’s do as General Eisenhower does: let’s never waste a minute thinking about people we don’t like.

~ Dale Carnegie, How To Stop Worrying And Start Living

The Value of a Smile at Christmas.

It costs nothing, but creates much.

It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give.

It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.

None are so rich they can get along without it, and none so poor but are richer for its benefits.

It creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in a business, and is the countersign of friends.

It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and Nature’s best antidote for trouble.

Yet it cannot be bought, begged borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is no earthly good to anybody till it is given away.

And if in the last-minute rush of Christmas buying some of our salespeople should be too tired to give you a smile, may we ask you to leave one of yours?

For nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give!

~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, (1936)

Whenever we are tempted to throw good money after bad in terms of human living, let’s stop and ask ourselves these three questions:

  1. How much does this thing I am worrying about really matter to me?
  2. At what point shall I set a “stop-loss” order on this worry — and forget it?
  3. Exactly how much shall I pay for this whistle? Have I already paid more than it is worth?

~ Dale Carnegie, How To Stop Worrying And Start Living (1944)


RULE 1: Crowd worry out of your mind by keeping busy. Plenty of action is one of the best therapies ever devised for curing “wibber gibbers.”

RULE 2: Don’t fuss about trifles. Don’t permit little things—the mere termites of life—to ruin your happiness.

RULE 3: Use the law of averages to outlaw your worries. Ask yourself: “What are the odds against this thing’s happening at all?”

RULE 4: Co-operate with the inevitable. If you know a circumstance is beyond your power to change or revise, say to yourself: “it is so; it cannot be otherwise.”

RULE 5: Put a “stop-loss” order on your worries. Decide just how much anxiety a thing may be worth—and refuse to give it any more.

RULE 6: Let the past bury its dead. Don’t saw sawdust.

~ Dale Carnegie, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

Basic Techniques in Analyzing Worry. 

Rule 1: Get the facts. Remember that Dean Hawkes of Columbia University said that “half the worry in the world is caused by people trying to make decisions before they have sufficient knowledge on which to base a decision.”

Rule 2: After carefully weighing all the facts, come to a decision.

Rule 3: Once a decision is carefully reached, act! Get busy carrying out your decision-and dismiss all anxiety about the outcome.

Rule 4: When you, or any of your associates, are tempted to worry about a problem, write out nswer the following questions;

  1. What is the problem?
  2. What is the cause of the problem?
  3. What are all possible solutions?
  4. What is the best solution?

~ Dale Carnegie, How To Stop Worrying And Start Living (1944)

“So I banish about ninety per cent of my worries by taking these four steps:

  1. Writing down precisely what I am worry about.
  2. Writing down what I can do about it.
  3. Decide what to do.
  4. Starting immediately to carry out that decision.”

~ Dale Carnegie, How To Stop Worrying And Start Living (1944)


Rule 1: If you want to avoid worry, do what Sir William Osler did: Live in “day-tight compartments.” Don’t stew about the future, just live each day until bedtime.

Rule 2: The next time trouble – with a Capital T – backs you up in a corner, try the magic formula of Willis H. Carrier:

  1. Ask yourself, “What is the worst that can possibly happen if I can’t solve my problem?”
  2. Prepare yourself mentally to accept the worst – if necessary.
  3. Then calmly try to improve upon the worst – which you have already mentally agreed to accept.

Rule 3: Remind yourself of the exorbitant price you can pay for worry in terms of your health. “Those who do not know how to fight worry die young.”

~ Dale Carnegie, How To Stop Worrying And Start Living (1944)