Archives For Dale Carnegie

When you are right, let’s try to win people gently and tactfully to our way of thinking, and when we are wrong—and that will be surprisingly often, if we are honest with ourselves—let’s admit our mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm. Not only will that technique produce astonishing results; but, believe it or not, it is a lot more fun, under the circumstances, than trying to defend oneself.

Remember the old proverb: “By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”

Principle 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, (1936)

…don’t argue with your customer or your spouse or your adversary. Don’t tell them they are wrong, don’t get them stirred up. Use a little diplomacy.

Principle 2: Show respect for the person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”

~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, (1936)

When you and I are unjustly criticized, let’s remember Rule 2:

Do the very best you can; and then put up your old umbrella and keep the rain of criticism from running down the back of your neck.

~ Dale Carnegie, How To Stop Worrying And Start Living (1944)

Opera tenor Jan Peerce, after he was married nearly fifty years, once said: “My wife and I made a pact a long time ago, and we’ve kept it no matter how angry we’ve grown with each other. When one yells, the other should listen—because when two people yell, there is no communication, just noise and bad vibrations.”

Principle 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, (1936)

 “Talk to people about themselves,” said Disraeli, one of the shrewdest men who ever ruled the British Empire. “Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.”

Principle 6: Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.

~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, (1936)

If we are tempted to be worries about unjust criticism, here is Rule 1:

Remember that unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment. Remember that no one ever kicks a dead dog.

~ Dale Carnegie, How To Stop Worrying And Start Living (1944)

Talking in terms of the other person’s interests pays off for both parties. Howard Z. Herzig, a leader in the field of employee communications, has always followed this principle. When asked what reward he got from it, Mr. Herzig responded that he not only received a different reward from each person but that in general the reward had been an enlargement of his life each time he spoke to someone.

Principle 5: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, (1936)

Even if you are not a religious person by nature or training-even if you are an out-and-out skeptic—prayer can help you much more than you believe, for it is a practical thing. What do I mean, practical? I mean that prayer fulfills these three very basic psychological needs which all people share, whether they believe in God or not:

  1. Prayer helps us to put into words exactly what is troubling us.
  2. Prayer gives us a sense of sharing our burdens, of not being alone.
  3. Prayer puts into force an active principle of doing. It’s a first step toward action.

~ Dale Carnegie, How To Stop Worrying And Start Living (1944)

When William James was a professor of philosophy at Harvard, he said, “Of course, the sovereign cure for worry is religious faith.”

You don’t have to go to Harvard to discover that. My mother found that out on a Missouri farm. Neither floods nor debts. Nor disaster could suppress her happy, radiant, and victorious spirit. I can still hear her singing as she worked:

Peace, peace, wonderful peace,

Flowing down from the Father above,

Sweep over my spirit forever I pray

In fathomless billows of love.

~ Dale Carnegie, How To Stop Worrying And Start Living (1944)

So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.

Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems. A person’s toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people. A boil on one’s neck interests one more than forty earthquakes in Africa. Think of that the next time you start a conversation.

~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, (1936)